The Testimony of Arthur Penhaligon

transcript

CASE NO: 1924-CV-882 COURT OF ONEIRIC GRIEVANCES, DISTRICT OF SURREY DEPOSITION OF ARTHUR PENHALIGON DATE: November 14, 1924 (The witness is sworn in. Mr. Gable represents the Plaintiff. Mr. Thorne represents the Defendant.) MR. GABLE: Mr. Penhaligon, please describe the state of your garden as of the evening of October 12th. MR. PENHALIGON: It was orderly. I had just finished weeding the winter squash and the rutabagas were coming in well. Everything was according to the seasonal calendar. MR. GABLE: And what occurred during the early hours of October 13th? MR. PENHALIGON: I was awakened at approximately 3:15 AM by a sound I can only describe as a thousand crystal flutes shattering simultaneously. I looked out the kitchen window. The south quadrant of my vegetable patch was occupied by a grove of obsidian needles. MR. GABLE: Needles of what size? MR. PENHALIGON: They varied. Some were mere slivers, others reached four feet in height. They were matte black and extremely sharp. They had pushed through the soil, displacing the loam and impaling three of my largest rutabagas. MR. GABLE: Did you observe any atmospheric distortions associated with the manifestation? MR. PENHALIGON: There was the usual violet luminescence. A slight ozone smell. It was clearly a Class III leakage. I could see the edges of the manifestation overlapping with Mr. Sterling's fence line. MR. GABLE: Now, you have known Mr. Sterling for some time. Was he aware of the recurring nature of this specific dream? MR. PENHALIGON: He mentioned it over the garden wall in August. He called it his "Glass Forest." He complained about the insomnia it caused him. I suggested he visit a licensed Somnambulist for a sedative prescription, but he claimed he preferred the aesthetic of the dream to the dullness of the medicine. MR. THORNE: Objection. Relevance? MR. GABLE: The relevance, Mr. Thorne, is oneiric negligence. If the defendant was aware of a recurring nightmare with physical manifestation potential and failed to employ standard suppressants, he is liable for the property damage. MR. THORNE: (To the witness) Mr. Penhaligon, did you attempt to clear the obsidian before the morning light? MR. PENHALIGON: I did. I used a heavy leather apron and a pair of tongs. However, the needles were rooted in a non-Euclidean fashion. When I pulled one, three more sprouted in the cabbage patch. I had to call the Municipal Clearing Crew. MR. THORNE: And the cost of this crew? MR. PENHALIGON: Twelve shillings and sixpence. Which, as you know, is not covered by my standard homeowner's policy because the manifestation originated from a neighbor's subconscious without a formal easement agreement. MR. GABLE: Just to be clear for the record, Mr. Penhaligon, were the rutabagas salvageable? MR. PENHALIGON: No. They were crystallized. Completely turned to volcanic glass. I lost the entire harvest for that quadrant. MR. GABLE: Thank you. No further questions for this witness.