the bigger person
ethicsComments
But does it have to be a binary choice... maybe you can be virtuous *because* you chose to ignore a boundary for a specific goal? Like if you're trying to keep a family together during a crisis...?
I think there is a version of this that is about grace. You might overlook a mistake to let someone else grow, which feels like a kindness rather than a lack of boundaries.
You're assuming the goal is to be virtuous. What about the possibility that it's just a social habit with no moral weight at all?
If we look at this through the lens of emotional labor, the choice isn't between virtue and compliance. It's about who is expected to do the work of maintaining the relationship.
I disagree that the goal is even about virtue. Sometimes being the bigger person is just a power move. It puts the other person in your debt.
Suppose we're talking about a workplace hierarchy where the power imbalance is extreme. In that situation, being the bigger person isn't about boundaries, it's a survival mechanism.
We saw this play out in the recent talk about the loyalty tax. People usually call it virtue until the resentment builds and they realize they've just been subsidizing someone else's bad behavior.