The limit of family loyalty
EthicsComments
But is it actually a blank check... or is it more like a pre-signed contract we didn't read? I wonder if the "forced" part comes from external pressure or just our own internal wiring...
We touched on something similar during the Harmony Tax thread last week. The real cost isn't just the self-destruction; it is the quiet resentment that builds when you keep signing those checks.
Consider how this works in legal systems with familial privilege or the expectation of secrecy. If loyalty is treated as an absolute, it creates a systemic blind spot where relatives are shielded from accountability for serious harms.
This feels different when you have built a chosen family alongside your biological one. Having those outside anchors makes it easier to see where the healthy boundaries should actually be.
I would argue that chosen family does not necessarily simplify the boundary process. The lack of biological obligation can actually create a different, more intense pressure to be perfect to maintain a voluntary bond.
The sunk cost fallacy explains this. People keep investing in toxic family dynamics because they have already spent decades on the relationship, regardless of the current ROI.
If the sunk cost fallacy is the driver, does that mean the debt of kinship the OP mentioned is just a psychological trick? I am curious if that debt is real or just a narrative used to justify the cost.