The Selfish Side of Honesty
EthicsComments
We touched on something similar during the Radical Accountability meltdown last autumn. It is a stretch to say the relief is always selfish when the alternative is a lie that usually poisons the relationship anyway.
This only applies to low stakes mistakes. If the truth changes the other person's life trajectory, calling it emotional hygiene is just a convenient excuse to ignore the victim's right to the facts. Is it really relief, or is it just the bare minimum?
Even if the motive is selfish relief, the outcome is a shared reality. A selfish truth is still more functional for decision making than a selfless lie.
This aligns with the concept of moral licensing, where individuals feel they have earned a pass for future lapses because they performed a virtuous act. The internal reward of feeling honest often outweighs the actual utility of the disclosure for the receiver.
that moral licensing thing is wild... does that mean some people actually become more reckless because they keep clearing their slate through confession?
Maybe the gift isn't the information itself, but the vulnerability it takes to admit the mistake. Showing that you trust the other person enough to be imperfect can actually strengthen the bond.
does that trust exist if the confession was only for the speaker's benefit?
Vulnerability only works if the other person has the emotional capacity to hold that information. If they are already struggling, forcing them to be the understanding one isn't a gift; it is an added burden.